Here I am again having to start the training plan once more.
This time, thankfully, it’s not those pesky tram tracks, it’s a chest infection that has stopped me from enjoying the thrill of the ride once more. It’s only a minor setback and something that I can deal with. It’s not going to stop me doing what I want to do.
I have been spending my time looking through training plans and seeing what suits my needs best. I was reading the Cycling Weekly website and they have various plans on there. I like to think I am an expert rider but if I was then perhaps I would have ridden slowly over those tram tracks.
I now have a 12-week plan that I am going to follow. I have no idea what any of it means now but give me time. Reading about cycling tips and the like has given my mind something to focus on and take away those anxiety fears I have.
This has also allowed me to finish a novel I have been looking forward to reading for a while. I am a big Bernard Cornwell fan. I have in the past been able to consume books like they were going out of fashion – often losing three days at a time to a good one. I’m starting to feel that I can focus my mind on different things again and not just the negative or insignificant things that then manifest into large thoughts and then I am off again, into the darkness being angry, anxious Rich again.
My daughter is starting to learn how to read at school, so that has encouraged me in a small way to pick up books and start to enjoy the thrill of the story. Teaching her how to read is also helping me to focus on someone other than myself. Taking me out of what I would normally do, which is sit and brood over things. Is Depression and Anxiety a selfish illness or is it just the thoughts telling me it is? Some of you reading this, who have never have had any sort of mental health issue, may think it is and those that harm themselves are just stupid and idiots, but are they truly selfish? I try to talk to others about it. My long-suffering wife is the person I should talk to. She is a really easy person to talk to, but at the same time I find it hard to talk to her. I don’t want to burden her with my self-pity, but I guess I will never know if it is if I don’t talk to her.
When I write this blog, I don’t plan it and I don’t make any notes. I simply get my laptop out and just type what’s on my mind. It’s how I find it so easy to write this. I have not made any musical references, except for this morning I had a good old listen to Groove is in the Heart be Dee-Lite and you know what it is… groove is in the heart.
Thank you as always to Rich for sharing his experiences of coping with anxiety. If his journey has inspired you to support us, visit our fundraising page for more infoor if you’d like to share your story, contact us at firstname.lastname@example.org
If you’re struggling with anxiety or depression, the Sanctuary is here for you at night, every night. Call us on 0300 003 7029.